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Am I Gone Or Are You Still Waiting?

by Perpetual Stranger

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James Reed
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1.
Will You Stop It? 02:19
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I'm in pain I'm in pain I'm in pain I'm in pain I'm in pain I'm in pain I'm in pain Can You.. Stop it? Can You Stop It? [Now] The Beat of The Drum
2.
We Speak 00:45
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Nous Parlons
3.
Bloodtide Cometh 02:13
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Tired of these ovaries Tear them out for all to see More metal than you could hope to be This bloodbath happens monthly Someone pass the tampon box I'll need three more while my knees knock It's never enough to stop the flow From ruining everything I own Bent over womb embraced More pain than I'm prepared to taste But brutality who'm I to judge? I'm just a poser soaked in blood Tired of these ovaries Tear them out for all to see More metal than you could hope to be This bloodbath happens monthly This putrid stench marks my fate As histories nastiest vampire bait He's got those eyes that mark you as meat If you're AFAB or femme you know what I mean Killers don't relieve enough pain Anymore and I'll go insane From the steady beep of a hospital bed Daily limits don't feed what I've bred Tired of these ovaries Tear them out for all to see More metal than you could hope to be This bloodbath happens monthly Fatigue seeps in to steal the last light From everything I've made in life Turmoil after I wanna kill myself A whole week later I'm still in hell Bent over womb embraced More pain than you've ever faced Brutality I'm here to judge Adjust your pose or soak in blood
4.
Pain 01:25
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Wake Up All I Feel Is PAIN Go Out All I See Is PAIN Come Back Try to get some Sleep In Just to WAKE Into the middle AGAIN All I know Is PAIN All I know Is PAIN All I know Is PAIN Nights are haunted by ghosts still living Black birds on my shoulder Whole world's at an end Whole world's at an end Whole world's comin' to an end Wake Up All I Feel Is PAIN Go Out All I See Is PAIN Come Back Try to get some Sleep In Just to WAKE Into the middle AGAIN All I know Is PAIN All I know Is PAIN All I know Is PAIN Still crawlin' on a floor that fell away Didn't even notice I learned to fly Shattered like glass through someone else's ceiling Shattered like glass through someone else's ceiling Shattered like glass through another End Wake Up Feelin' new this time Repaired some tears and I breathe through the PAIN Maybe now I can get some Sleep IN Cause if I WAKE in the middle I'll beat it AGAIN If I WAKE in the middle I'll beat it AGAIN If I WAKE in the middle I'll beat it AGAIN If I WAKE in the middle I'll beat it's FACE IN
5.
Daddy 01:43
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Gonna cut you up Daddy* Gonna strip you down Daddy Push you to the ground Daddy It's not as much fun as you thought No it's not as much fun as you thought No it's not as much fun as you thought On the other side of the screen Gonna cut you up Daddy Gonna strip you down Daddy Push you to the ground Daddy Not to fuck you Just to F-F-Fuck you up No I'm never gonna fuck you Gonna cut you up Daddy Gonna strip you down Daddy Push you to the ground Daddy I'm never gonna fuck you No I'm never gonna fuck you No I'm never gonna FUCK YOU No matter how much you want me too Gonna cut you up Daddy Gonna strip you down Daddy Push you to the ground Daddy Get your hands off me Take your hands off me Stop your druggin' me Gonna cut you up Daddy Gonna strip you down Daddy Push you to the ground Daddy I don't care I don't care I don't care I don't care I don't care I don't care I don't care I don't CARE I don't care if my best friend listens But I know when your days end *I'm using creative license to vent frustration and anger; I'm never advocating violence in real life.
6.
Bygone Bloodsucker 02:01
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I'm a feral bitch comin' out from where I hide Wanna see what you keep locked inside How many shades stain the sheets under your pride Been watching for so long too hungry to stay shy Come on baby stretch that neck out wide Make these fangs grow hard I won't leave yah too scarred Entice me down from this perch in the shadows It's been too long since I've tasted what light grows I've forgotten the glimmer of what was once weak Call it innocent to divide it piece by piece I'm a feral bitch comin' out from where I hide Wanna see what you keep locked inside How many shades stain the sheets under your pride Been watching for so long too hungry to stay shy Follow you home When the night runs cold Swoop down easy for that soul of gold I know it could never last as long as I'm old I'm a feral bitch comin' out from where I hide Wanna see what you keep locked inside How many shades stain the sheets under your pride Been watching for so long too hungry to stay shy But when I get you pinned down by my side Stake to the heart burns like nothing before And somehow your smiles still pure
7.
Influence and Inspiration 01:44
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Is It Me? The reason why you left Is It Me? Why we're not friends Is It Me? I need your honesty Is It Me? And I mean completely Is It Me? Am I meant to grow in this Is It Me? This lonely emptiness Is It Me? Outta what I make myself into Is It Me? How much do I owe you Is It Me? Yeah how much do I owe you Is It Me? For taken what can't be paid Is It Me? Taken subconciously Is It Me? It's not my fault you always reach through Is It Me? To somewhere I'm at too Is It Me? Oh god I hope I don't owe you Is It Me? But I gotta fill this hole too Is It Me? Will this feeling ever disappear Is It Me? Or am I just digging deeper Is It Me? Wish I could get outta bed Is It Me? Steada lapping circles in my head Is It Me? Am I chasin' something endless Is It Me? Should I just give up and float in this Is It Me? Goin somewhere bigger than myself Is It Me? In this Dreamscape no words come out Is It Me? But I understand it anyhow Is It Me?
8.
Road Fire 02:01
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They tell you to take the road less traveled But what they don't tell you is Eventually the road stops And it's too late to turn back Too many turns to track So you keep going Scraping your knees On the sticks and the rocks And you try and take cover under a leaf when it rains But it takes a lot more than one feather to soar So you start climbing Scratching crawling your way to the top And when you finally break free of the canopy you realize You're a lot closer to where you needed to be than you thought But the forest is on fire And the smoke Is getting hot
9.
Just Hanging On The Ceiling 'Till The Day We All Die 03:40
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I just keep floating Round my head Yeah I just keep floating Can't leave my bed Now I'd like to come down And talk with you But by the time I come down You're gone too So I just keep floating Round my head Waiting for someone To look up instead And say oh my god It's been a while Since they went to float I hope zi remembers how to come back down Yeah someone tear me down So I can breathe again Someone pull me down it's too high up here The air just keeps gettin' thinner Someone pull me down I'm afraid of heights Yeah someone help me down I'm not meant for the sky
10.
Where Do The Sheep Go After We've Counted Them? 04:30
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[Instrumental]

about

This album explores a bleek [and beautiful] period of my life through blood, metaphor, heavy synth, loud guitar, piano, pain, vampires, menstrual blood, late twenties transitional angst, and bedbugs. I eventually come out the victor. Come win with me.

Includes references to a platonic break up, cutting birth familial ties, suicide and violence. May be triggering if you're not in the best headspace. Might also help with that. I don't know your brain. It's my hope it helps youse to listen to it as much as it did me to make it.

Not appropriate for children.

Programmed, recorded, piano played, and mixed entirely on the Bandcamp App on my phone cause I broke my computer. Thanks Bandcamp! Minimal processing/FX while singing to track my vocal progress and cause I prefer how it sounds. Hoping you do too. (No problems with autotune; it's just not my personal style.)

Special thanks to Jacob Kampman for the mastering skills!!

credits

released March 19, 2022

All Credits Minus Mastering: L3X01D. Mastering Credits: Jacob Kampman.

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Perpetual Stranger

Nocturnal trans and nonbinary leftist dungeon synth artist. Lookin for industrosynth not made by a complete asshole? You've just found zir! Welcome to my bandcamp, vamps.

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